A Year Out

I can't believe it has been a year since we found out about the first diagnosis of apraxia of speech for Kamiree.  I decided to read my past blogs from this year and can't help but feel like I am there at that moment still.  Kamiree has made improvements..Praise God for the behavioral ones!  I just received an email from her speech therapist here that said she spoke with the school SLP and she said Kamiree is a whole different girl since the first day.  WOW!!  To hear those words is amazing!

Omaha changed our lives.  I won't ever forget my husband sobbing beside me as we found out our daughter might never be the "normal" girl that all parents want.  She would always struggle with speech and in some cases might never speak.  I won't forget the gloomy skies and rain that plagued Omaha the week we were there.  Our moods going from happy to complete silence and despair as we watched Kamiree on a screen as she hid from the doctors and screamed and punched them.  We had never seen that way and couldn't believe our precious daughter was capable of the behaviors she had.  Finding out most of her screaming was because she didn't comprehend the situation and she was mad because she didn't want to do "hard" things anymore.  Oh the sadness I feel still.  She is still struggling with all those skills that are hard for her and might for the rest of her life.
But, one year out I can say she is improving.  We aren't in this stand still life of her never being able to learn new things and us just watching her crying all the time.  That was our December of 2011, not 2012 :)  My favorite is to hear her laugh now.  For most parents that might be a forgotten sound because they hear it oh so often, but for us we only hear it periodically and it brings such happiness.  She doesn't run away from her speech therapist anymore :)  She doesn't punch her speech therapist anymore!  She says sorry when her speech therapist tells her she isn't working hard that day!  She doesn't run out of her classroom anymore :)  She doesn't punch her classmates anymore!  She caught up on sign language for her age in 12 weeks!  She tries to talk first and if we don't understand she signs!  She doesn't scream when I tell her no bread or pizza dough or anything with gluten :)  She says "make Kamiree sick" and I just nod and she stops!  She smiles :)  She is a fierce fighter when she wants her way!  This is what I'm thankful for the December of 2012.  We have a LONG way to go, but so much has been accomplished in just one year.

Thank you for all the encouragement from friends/family/strangers/ect!  Thank you for loving my daughter when she is so hard to love sometimes.  Thank you for making cookies with her and teaching her new ways to do things.  Forcing her to do things somebody else's way just not hers.  Thank you for the money to put her in specific therapies that will help her.  We could never thank every one enough for everything you have done!  Prayers being the most important!  I can feel it on the days I'm ready to scream....thank you!

Life the normal

I am sorry it has been so long between updates.  Life is passing by and here we are in November!  I can't even began to describe the feelings in my heart because honestly it is indescribable.  I am so overjoyed with the accomplishments Kamiree makes on a day by day basis and then feel trampled by the human emotions that come with having a special needs child.

Point one...we went to Colorado Children's Hospital on October 29th to do a repeat EEG on Kamiree.  I honestly felt bipolar that day.  This was when we would find out if the drug Keppra was working or not.  My mother instincts told me it was not...or at least it had taken my sweet girl away from me and we were living with her evil twin.  I love Kamiree dearly and when Chris and I sat back and realized all the changes we had made in our lives so that we wouldn't have Kamiree cross the going insane line and beating us all up it was a lot!  My mom had come down to watch the other kids for the week so she got to see how crazy I am also :)  I went from not being able to sit still to crying in a hyperventilating way all in a matter of minutes the morning of Kamiree's EEG.  I always feel like we live a normal life until tests come up in Kamiree's life.  Then I realize she is not "normal" and she is hurting inside and not able to tell us and so I feel helpless.  I wish that I could take all this from her and just give her one diagnosis instead of 4 or 5.  That's our normal, that's her normal....

Getting the electrodes on is always the hardest part.  Unfortunately, Kamiree has sensitive skin and they seem to break through her skin and give her scabs when they come off.  The smell is nauseating and a headache is imminent.  After the tears goes long hours begging for the electrodes to come off because they hurt.  I love children's hospitals because they have instant Disney movies, so that really does take away hours and hours of time that wouldn't be pleasant.  She watched Cinderella twice and just like that it was bed time.  I always just stare at the EEG screen seeing what is going on, so it was a blessing and a curse when the nurse shut it off and I couldn't stare at it.  Sleeping is always great as you have to keep unwinding the electrode cords from around your daughters neck as she somersaults left and right all night long.  

Thankfully, she had lots of activities to do from her family!

Thankful for the song and verse, Joy comes in the Morning!!  My Aunt Jodie had come in the morning to spend some time with us since Chris went back to work.  By ten o'clock the neurologist came in and said the spikes are down at night and so medication is working!  Here is one of those "up" times :)  He recommended getting her off the Keppra quickly (Praise God) and going to another medication that does the same thing but does not have the evil twin side effect.  We do have another ambulatory EEG set up for the end of January to see if this new drug is working.  This way we can get the electrodes on but she gets to sleep at home instead of a hospital!

God is good!  He is good when Kamiree is mean/evil/grumpy and good when she is loving/kind/a blessing to be around!

We had Kamiree's teacher conference and were told she has already come to 85% sign language for her age in just 12 weeks!  Her speech therapist tells us that she is constantly going up a level on her speech every other week.  We know she has a LONG way to go, but the improvements make a LONG way not so bad.  We know that God is in control, and we love Him even though our life is not perfect.  We love Him even though our daughter is special needs.  And we even love Him when live seems to not be able to be any harder. 

Kamiree's birthday was November 2nd, and so now we celebrate the fact that she is 6 years old and is able to say sentences!  Maybe by 7 she will be telling us stories :)  

Happy 6th Birthday Sweet Kamiree!  Keep on fighting to talk!

Hello Rollercoaster

If there is anything that I have learned in the past 4 weeks of living in Colorado it is God has granted me patience, and for that I am thankful.  Believe me, 2 years ago I would say that I was not a patient person at the least..but through our daughter Kamiree I have learned and been taught that gift which is crucial to Kamiree's upbringing.  Not that I would be so boastful to say that I don't have my days.
Kamiree is doing good  and bad.  See why it's a rollercoaster? ;)  This syndrome is so frustrating because she will have the comprehension of a 2 1/2 year old and then in the next minute of a 5 year old.  Her brain is constantly having problems and I can't even imagine what she feels like.  I get so mad when I can't remember a word when I'm trying to tell a story, which I'm sure most of you have had, and she has this all day long.  Except it is whole thoughts.  Her speech therapist says it's like she had a stroke, but without even really learning the language first.  That's like pretty much saying "Good Luck Kamiree."  Good thing I don't believe in luck, but the power of God to heal or not heal.  I'm content either way most of the time.  Even though nightly I cry out to Him to please heal her, please let her understand us, please let her know You, and please help her not be so frustrated.  Just a few simple requests right?
Yesterday was a day when I could say, wow I'm happy!  I am trying not to base my happiness on how Kamiree acts or doesn't act, but I have to tell you that that in itself a task.  I picked her up from school early to bring her to speech therapy and she kept saying, "No Bri."  Which that is her speech therapist.  I kept telling her we were going to see Bri, and she kept replying back no no no no.  Well, we got there and she jumped out of the car and went in by herself and 30 minutes later came back out with Bri and told me she was happy.  Yes, so am I dear child I thought in my head!
We hurried home to eat dinner quickly and head out for AWANA.  Kamiree has never really liked being around a lot of people, and well our church is huge so we figured she probably would never stay by herself.  We walked into the church and she ran into the Kindergarten Sparks room and told me to leave.  Awesome!  Feeling good about this day!!  We came back 1 1/2 later to find her in a room with 12 words on the board and 2 girls signing the words and saying them...John 3:16.  Kamiree was trying her hardest to do the verst so they gave her a vest and book and she skipped happily out of the room to find Kaden and hold his hand all the way to the car singing.  I kept telling Chris, "Wow, I'm happy, she's happy!"  You have to understand, this doesn't happen very often at all so we take these small blessings and smile...which sometimes doesn't happen for days.
We get home, check email, and there it is...the bad part of the day...Kamiree had a rough day at school, screaming, running out of the classroom, drawing on tables.  I just don't get it.  I ask her about it, and she tells me she doesn't like school.  Actually, I was pretty proud of her for saying a complete sentence, haha!  But, sad that it's so hard for her.  Motor planning is tough for our little girl, and just another thing that frustrates her in this life.

Even though a day like this happens far in between, I'm thankful for days like this.  I love to see Kamiree laugh and love and smile.  It makes all of us that way, and not so many tears.

Lots of Change

Well, we are officially living in a new state, new house, new smell in the air, and a new vision for our family.  We have lived in Colorado now for about 2 weeks and still very much getting used to it.  It seems like we are in the car all day long running Kamiree to school, speech therapy, hippotherapy, and my least favorite, doctor appointments.  While I knew that moving here was basically for Kamiree, we are trying to balance some other activities for our other children to make sure they feel loved as well.  This is such a huge task with 5 kids I feel like screaming.  The last thing I (we) want any of our other children to feel is unloved.  The other 4 drive with me to all these designated areas, including a half hour in both directions for her speech therapy with at least 45 minutes sitting in a waiting room.  They are great kids I have found out in these past 2 weeks, because a lot of kids couldn't do that day in and day out and they do...thank God for iPads! :)
Tuesday we went to Kamiree's neurologist to find out the MRI results as well as a game plan for her electric activity that is occurring in deep sleep.  Thankfully there was no tumors found or any other abnormalities.  But, he did think that she fits the description of a child with Landau-Kleffner Syndrome (which only about 250 kids have ever been diagnosed with since 1957) While this didn't surprise us a lot, since I had been researching it since Omaha where they said it might be, it still hurt.  The neurologist has decided to start her on Keppra and then do an EEG at the end of October to see if it has stopped the electric activity.  If not then on to the next drug.  Basically, LKS will either take her speech forever or she can moderately get it back, or get full language back.  While getting full function back is basically slim to none chance.  We are trying to stay optimistic, but I will tell you this week has been a huge blow.
After this appointment we headed to her speech therapy appointment where her speech therapist confirmed that she believes she has aphasia as well.  LKS does cause this, so again not a huge surprise BUT this means we have a right sided deaf LKS apraxic daughter.  I just feel like the waves are getting bigger...we are in a middle of a storm.  Each day we wake up and we are still in the middle of the ocean...I just want to see an island at least!!!!!
This being said...we are not giving up!  We have Kamiree in private speech everyday as well as her having it 2 days a week in school.  We put her in the deaf school here so she is learning sign language, which apparently is not affected with this syndrome in 40% of cases, and learning how to communicate.  Our speech therapist said it right when she told me yesterday, "Shiree you have to expect she is going to come out of this and talk or there is not a goal."  That's all it took for me to get over this pity party that I so want to stay in.
Chris loves his job here, I love the opportunity that is available for Kamiree as well as the other kids here, and so this is our new life.  Please keep praying for us!!  We miss Thermopolis immensely!  I miss my friends so much, life is lonely here.  But, the goal is what keeps us going.
That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:10

Event in Life

Sometimes in life there are moments that seem to change the direction of our lives. This year alone we have had a couple.  In December we found out Kamiree had apraxia of speech and we knew we had to go somewhere to get her some help so that has been our focus.  Today was another one of those moments.  We found out our daughter is having seizures, and not just a few, numerous.
Yesterday when we checked in to the Children's Hospital we were told that if they didn't see any seizure activity we would only be in a night.  So this morning when a lady came in at 9 am to start taking Kamiree's electrodes off we thought all was good.  I put her in the bath, and all you would see is smiles.  My mom came in to the bathroom to let me know that the doctor was there so I stepped out happy as can be.  He looked at me and told me that Kamiree's EEG is abnormal.  I just kept staring at him thinking that he accidentally said the wrong thing...waiting for him to fix it.  He did not but continued by telling me that she is having numerous or frequent seizures in the left lobe which houses her language and comprehension.  It could be one of 2 things, either the seizures and apraxia of speech are correlating or they are working independently in which case she has another thing to add to her long list of not being a "normal" child in today's world.  Phew...okay so I was acting like all was good, hoping he would just go so I could just cry, and he did go...and I did cry.
We were checked out with the instructions to call next week and talk to our neurologist to set up a repeat MRI, to see the damage in there, and then they will figure out a game plan for our sweet child Kamiree who is looking up a mountain with no top.  Even though she doesn't know it, I am seeing it for her.
So even though this move to Denver has been stressful, taking a step back, God planned it.  Now we will be in our "hometown" while they figure out what drugs work for Kamiree.  I don't want to smile right now, just cry...but I know my heavenly Father has a plan, and this is it.  He loves Kamiree.  And for right now, that's what I'm holding on to.

Next chapter is fast approaching!

So it's July!  And while that is not a big deal to some people, to me it means sadness and happiness all in one.  As we pack of to head to Denver at the end of this month (well Chris at least, the rest of us August 12th), I can't help but shed some tears.  The emotional thought of leaving my family who has been so much help is almost excruciating to me.  I have relied on my mom to take Kamiree at least once a week for a break for both of us.  It has been a blessing to have that break and to be able to just breathe.  All the kids get a "break" from me quite often and it's been nice for all of us!  Again, the reason it is hard to leave.  We have slowly been packing up our house realizing how much junk we have :)  Maybe everybody should move every 5 years so they can cleanse their houses haha!  Anyways, this summer has been a good one for Kamiree for the most part!  Her speech has really come along!  She is trying to say 3 word sentences quite a bit now!  She still has fits, and to be honest we have been pretty lax on the gluten free diet this summer.  It is so hard, but really it's no excuse.  I can't wait to see what 5 days of speech will do for her!  She did get put on SSI disability so I signed her up with a speech therapist that does hippotherapy.  I can't wait for her to have one day a week on a horse still learning but not knowing it necessarily :)  As hard as this is, I know that at the end we will be happy with whatever outcome it might be.  I know she will improve, so that's what matters.  I want her to have a normal life and be able to be independent.  This will take lots of planning on our part to meet that goal.  Thank you for everybody that has supported us thus far.  This is a journey like no other for us!

April

Got to go to the apraxia workshop that I signed up for in February.  Thanks to the fundraising that is done with the apraxia walk that was done in Denver, I and many other people were able to attend for free.  It was an Apraxia 101, which honestly is the first time I have sat down and found out a lot of answers to my many questions.  I feel so blessed to be able to say that we have found the right SLP because she fit all the criteria that we were told that a good SLP for apraxia would have.  That is a "Good one God" there because it was totally ironic how we got Brianne Lay in the first place.  I am not sure if I posted before but I will again :)  When we got back from Boys Town, I emailed many SLP's in this are and Denver and she was the one and only to write us back.  She is amazing and Kamiree loves her...all big pluses!  I also learned that Practice language is all we should be doing all the time.  I mean making her talk instead of getting it when she points or we "understand" what she is saying...she needs to say it!  

I was blessed this trip because my mom went with me.  I was able to show her the school Kamiree is going to attend as well as have her go to 2 speech therapy sessions with Kamiree and I.  Kamiree did so well, this gluten free stuff seems to be working, and was calm and worked hard the whole 30 minutes.  It was such a transformation from just 2 months ago.  I was able to sign Kaden up for his school this time, and he will go with us May 8th to have his interview.  It seems to be falling more and more into place each time.  I know I am saying blessing a lot but I do feel blessed at this point.

It's been awhile....

I'm sorry that we have not updated in so long! I feel like our lives are spinning and we have no control of it right now. Chris took Kamiree down to Denver the week of Feb 23rd and she did awesome! She participated at all her therapies and had a good attitude for most the time :) We are now working on putting two words together and helping her put the two syllables that make up the word together so it's smooth. For instance, instead of buh nee, we are getting her to say it all together. I'm proud of how she has improved, but I do know she could be so much farther if we had her in an intensive speech therapy every week. This is the other reason we are going spinning....trying to figure out moving to Denver. Chris just did a teacher job fair down in Colorado trying to get a job. I pray that he will get one because 1. He loves teaching 2. He has to have a job for us to move 3. We need to move to Colorado. It's intimidating to have 600 other teachers looking for jobs in one building. Through this all we know that God is in control and we are relying on Him to get through all this. We have just recently changed our diet. We are now trying gluten free. So far this is day 3 and I have noticed a difference in Kamiree. She seems to be saying more words and a lot calmer. I don't know if I'm just looking for it, so we will continue and see how it goes. It's really good for our family because we are eating more vegetables and learning about them :) So if you need something to pray for it would be that Chris gets a job offer down in Denver! Kamiree needs this.

Behavioral Issues

If there is one thing I still cannot totally understand about apraxia, it's the behavioral issues that seem to go with it. I understand that Kamiree is frustrated because she is not able to speak even though the words are in her head, but I don't understand the constant hitting and kicking. I have such a hard time not going crazy when Kamiree slaps me across the face. She just did this on Valentine's night at the church. She was frustrated because she wanted to stay with me instead of going into the nursery. I understood this, but there was no way to explain I would be back after I was done eating...so started the hitting and kicking. I need help on learning how to calm her down quickly or slow down her temper. We do discipline her accordingly, but there are times I know she is frustrated more from lack of speech then just being bad to be bad. It is so hard to take a slap on the face multiple times and not get angry...I need prayer please! Also, Chris is heading to Denver next week with Kamiree so we will get to see how far she has come.

Kaufman Childrens's Center?????

Another week of speech over for Miss Kamiree. On Tuesday she got up to 21 cards right and I'm so excited for her! Yes, I bribe her to do the cards, and yes, I don't really care what it takes to make Kamiree talk as of right now. What is two small scoops of ice cream or one cookie to have her say 50 plus cards to me??? I will do whatever period.

So I was on the apraxia site on Facebook, which honestly has kept me positive throughout all these changes, and I saw that someone was talking about the Kaufman Children's center in detroit which has a summer program that lasts 3 weeks and is very intensive. It will cost us about $3600.00 but everybody that has taken their apraxia child there said it has changed their lives right away. It's just money right? To have a daughter that can speak would be worth every penny. I know that God will provide this and I am going to start praying more. They even will help Chris and I learn how to teach Kamiree as well as curb her frustrated behavior. It sounds so great! Kamiree already does the Kaufman cards for speech, so this is a whole program for apraxic children. Anyways, this is the update :) I think we will take one more week off of Denver, so I can make sure she knows all these old cards and then we will head down and see how Kamiree has improved. God is good, and I am feeling so positive right now!!

New Beginnings

This week we have stayed home trying this new schedule for Kamiree. It has gone...well I don't know. Kamiree hates change so she was sick on Tuesday and that threw off the whole week. She did not want to go to school the rest of the week so we had behavioral issues. The only thing she really wanted to do was keep going to speech with one of her new SLP's Bobbie. It has been hard for me not to sit in on speech and see what is going on, so I really don't know how she did this week. What I do know is that she did all her Kauffman cards for at least 3 days and she is up to 7 words with NO HELP! It is weird cards like Tuba that she remembers :) We are at least going to take this next week off from Denver. Really she needs to know at least her first 25 cards until we can go to the next series so hopefully we can get them down this next week. With apraxia, repetition is so important! That is why she knows the name of all her siblings, a lot of cousin, and grandparents. We are always talking about them or to them! :) We did get some more of the results from Omaha yesterday and it brought fresh tears. Just remembering that she is special needs and needs a lot of help. I guess it's human nature to think that she is all good, but then looking at those and hearing what other people label her as makes feelings arise you don't know you have. Anyways, this is the update for the week...if you are praying for us just please pray for dealing with the behavioral issues better and that she works hard and uses her words.

Another Week

Kamiree and I just pulled into town earlier this evening :) It's always so nice to be home and get hugs and kisses from my husband and the kids. This trip we decided to stay 4 nights, allowing time to recover from the car trip so that she would be ready to start first thing Monday morning. Kamiree had an awesome first day of speech! She said all the words she needed to and participated fully in everything! That day we headed down to Colorado Springs after to visit my sister-in-law and her family. The next day Kamiree did very well the first 20 minutes and then started to get angry. We went bowling and to Beauty and the Beast 3D to keep us busy later. The third day was a nightmare speech lesson. Not only did she scream but she decided to kick the therapist as well....I wish I knew what sets her off so that I could help her but I can't figure it out. For every single day we did the exact same thing...we woke up and she took a bath and then we went to McDonalds and then to speech. I never wavered from that all 4 days and for some reason it did not work on Wednesday. Bri, that's the speech therapist, had us come back at 3:30 to show her she was going to have to work whether Kamiree liked or not. Bri was able to at least get her to say her cards and we left. As a mother it is so hard not to be mad at Kamiree when she acts like that all day. She knows she is wrong and usually within 3 minutes of getting in the car she says sorry mommy, sorry mommy, over and over again. Today Kamiree went right into speech and worked her hardest the whole time! :) It was funny because she kept looking at me saying "mommy happy." And yes I was! I kept telling her, "yes, mommy is happy." She has improved so much these 4 weeks. We are going to take 2 weeks off from Denver and she will start working with a new speech therapist this next week in Thermopolis, who will be doing whatever Bri tells her to do. I did look at a house down there this last time and loved it, so I can't wait to take Chris down there to show him. We would be renting :) Anyways, that's the update for this week, very positive!

What to say

Well this week has flown by! This was a week break for Kamiree going to Denver and I'm still kind of nervous about the whole thing. She didn't have daily speech like Denver, but Lacey did do the cards with her at school and I have been doing them at home. I was very impressed with her saying the whole word tonight...this is a huge accomplishment! She said "tuba" like it was nothing, ha, I wish you could of heard her try to say it last week because she couldn't. These are the steps I need to see as a mother. Kamiree and I are heading back to Denver Sunday night thru Thursday morning to get in 4 sessions. We have found someone here who will be working with our SLP in Denver and will keep Kamiree going. We might actually have a house to rent in lakewood starting beginning of August, which would be a Praise God for us and this family who owns the house :) I will be looking at it this coming week, and am quite excited actually. It could be a 3 year deal, so then we can reevaluate and see if we want to come back to Thermop or stay. I guess it all depends on how the kids are doing. I am trying to take a step back and look at the whole picture and not expect Kamiree to talk right away. I realize this is a slow process and in this society no one likes things slow, including me. I want instant results or something isn't working, which for apraxia this will be opposite. Thank you for all the encouraging words this week while I stayed in Thermopolis. There are a lot of amazing people in our lives and I thank you.

Failure

The word "failure" sneaks up on me so many times a day. Today was one of those days where I felt like it over and over and over. Kamiree had her last session of the week today and did horribly. She would not cooperate at all as we sat there for an hour and 15 minutes so that the SLP would win...she did finally but I felt like a failure. Kamiree screamed, hit, kicked, yelled some more, for almost a whole hour. I don't know what to do differently. She was so awesome yesterday in speech and today she was a different person. When she gets in these moods she refuses to do anything. I watched in horror as she kicked and hit our new SLP, waiting to hear the words "Maybe she should see someone else." But luckily, she didn't say that. I want Kamiree to learn to speak so bad and basically control her..but I can't. In these moments is when I feel defeated in essence a "failure". For 100 miles today I wept knowing that there isn't anything I can personally do for Kamiree except get her the right help, she has to do it. I even yelled out "Why??" to God a couple of times realizing that my daughter is indeed special needs. I don't even know everything they have diagnosed her with still (waiting for paperwork) and even the ones I do know I am overwhelmed with. My perfect little baby girl is frustrated and unable to talk. I know it hurts her but man it sure hurts me to know that there is nothing I can physically do to help her. I want to be the one that is having to go to speech, I want to switch places with her so that she can live life like a normal 5 year old girl, not worrying about how to say words, but singing and talking like other kids her age. Today was a "failure" kind of day, I hope next week is better......

Stares

I am writing this on my iPad so if there is a lot of spelling errors you know why. Tonight is me and kamiree's last night in Denver for the week. It has been a hard week for Kamiree. She has been a fighter not wanting to speak. It's hard to remember that speaking is very difficult for her and that's why she gets angry when she is pushed. Tonight we decided to go have a sit down meal since fast food is getting old real quick. As we sat in chilis I could see kamiree was agitated so I should have just left right then but we sat down. Within 10 minutes she was kicking the wall next to us so I got up and grabbed her and sat her right next to me where she proceeded to scream. I got so many nasty looks and glares. Okay people, I am already embarrassed at the fit my child is throwing so glaring at me doesn't help the situation at all. You never know what is wrong with the child who is throwing the fit.... It's not always the parents fault. Kamiree is disciplined accordingly but I also know if I give her "the look" during dinner she will scream and have a yelling breakdown right there. I now understand why a lot of parents with special needs children do not go out and eat. People are so judgmental!! I am learning so much through this process with Kamiree. To not have a "normal" child that deals with things differently than most people seem to be a crime in our society.

Start of a new Year

Thinking of all the positives of this year has kept my perspective much happier then what it could be...just some of them being

1. Chris finished college 2 weeks ago and now is a teacher..YAHOO!!!

2. We found out what is wrong with Kamiree so we can get her the help she needs to communicate with us

3. My sister-in-law and her husband received the blessing of a child

4. My other sister-in-law and her husband had a baby in July

5. Chris and I had a baby in January, love our quiet little sunshine Tenley

These to name just a few which I know I am missing a ton. I have tended to wallow in my self pity for the past two weeks and have tried as much as I can to come out of it. Looking at the positives has helped tremendously, but most of all having a Savior that loves me and knows what I need has been my saving grace, in more ways then one. I have heard the comments "well it could be worse" or "at least she can talk/walk," and honestly I DO get that, but this is our worse. I am grateful that we don't have any children with cancer or anything else for that matter, but I have a child that I cannot communicate with. I can't ask her how her day was and get an answer...we have a shallow verbal relationship and that kills me. I pray that this therapy will help her be able to express her feelings, emotion, without the hitting and kicking and whatever else goes along with her frustration. I have been slapped across the face more times than I can count this year (from Kamiree not my husband ;)), and the worst part is I wasn't really mad I just cried with frustration. Thank you God for this special needs child that I get to love and hug and take care of even when I feel so alone a lot of the time.......